don't knock it till you try it: being boring

Back when I was about 13 years old, I was dating some guy I just wasn't that into. (And by dating I mean, I think we held hands once.) Our "relationship" mainly consisted of labored phone conversations and the occasional outing to the Boulevard movie theater.

I remember one particularly grueling phone call. After making some stilted small talk ("How are you?" "Fine...") the conversation promptly trailed off into nothing. I finally broke the silence, asking him what he'd done that day.

"Well, you know, I returned some movies to Blockbuster."

I was appalled. Although my speaking skills were clearly pathetic, I knew better than to give voice to the reality of my daily life. Much better to be vague and (hopefully) project an aura of mystery, right? Blockbuster? Really? I pictured him riding his bike to the movie rental chain, opening the little drop box door, placing the VHS cassettes in the chute, and riding back towards his house. There was something almost poignant about it--driving home the absolute mundanity of daily life.

There was also something totally hilarious about it. For years afterwards, those words became the punch line for a running family joke:

Mom: "So, how was your day, Shannon?"

Me: "Oh, you know, great! I returned some movies to Blockbuster!"

And we'd laugh and laugh.

But these days, this classic joke is hitting a little close to home:

Husband: "So, what did you do today?"

Me: "Oh you know....stuff. What about you??"

I practice this deflection technique so that I can use it when I meet new people. It might seem like the typical "woman deferring to the man" kind of scenario, but it's really just self-preservation. No one needs to know the tedious details.

But sometimes, for fun, I provide a comprehensive blow-by-blow, like this:

"Well, I got up and fed Lydia her breakfast. It took FOREVER. Why does it take so long to feed babies?? Oh my god! She totally smeared the food all over her head. I checked my phone while she ate, but all I got were emails from groupon. Then I changed her clothes. Those baby jeans I got at the Salvation Army are a pain in the ass to get her into! Wow! Eventually she took a nap, and I wrote some captions for a corporate magazine article."

But you have to be careful when you act all ironic about reporting on your mundane life. There's a thin line between ironically over-reporting the boring details and earnestly reporting the boring details because, in fact, those are the only details you have to report.

It almost makes me re-think all the laughs I've had at "Ned's" expense. Seriously, I should be so lucky to be able to return some movies to Blockbuster.