don't knock it till you try it: loss of composure

My beloved and I celebrated Valentine's Day by having a brand-new oven delivered to our house. I was so excited--I hadn't had a functioning oven in over four years! For the week leading up to the delivery, I had domestic fantasies involving roasted vegetables and frozen pizzas. I knew the purchase was going to completely revolutionize my life. 

Then the day of the delivery came, and we uh, like totally missed the arrival of the delivery drivers. Although someone from Appliance Smart told Nick the oven would arrive between 8:30 and 9 am, evidently the delivery guys showed up at around 7:45 and didn't knock very hard on the door or something. Nick received a voicemail message a little after 8 am from a dispatcher, informing him that the delivery people had showed up, waited around for "45 minutes," and eventually left, taking the oven with them. 

Nick placed several phone calls, attempting to convince someone to have the delivery dudes come back to our house later in the day. Everyone he spoke with told him this was absolutely impossible--we had our chance to get the oven, and we messed up. We would simply have to reschedule, probably for Tuesday, but maybe not for over a week. They were not interested in hearing that the delivery guys showed up way before schedule, and made valiant attempts to pin the blame squarely on us.  

Although Nick is very persuasive, I could tell that the situation called for a woman's touch. He admitted that there was some weird "dude energy" with Patrick, the dispatcher. So I gathered a variety of phone numbers and started making some calls. 

Before I continue, I should mention that I kind of hate making phone calls. Just ringing up a store to ask about the availability of an item can send me into a spiral of anxiety, as if I am also required to ask the salesperson on a date. Also, I dislike confrontation and am rarely very forceful about making my case. I think I'm so guilty from years of Catholicism that, deep down, I don't really think I deserve anything good, and that if the oven didn't get delivered it's really pretty much exactly what I deserve. 

Anyway, so the phone calls were an effort. I started with Patrick, the dispatcher. I attempted to sound sweet and reasonable as I asked him if he could maybe just possibly give his delivery drivers just the quickest little call to see if just maybe they could swing by our house again that day. But Patrick wouldn't have anything to do with my charms, and he coldly informed me that he could give them a call, but he'd just be going through the motions because there was NO WAY anyone would be delivering anything to our house today. So I got a little irritable, and went all type A, asking to talk to his boss. He said he'd ask him to give me a call. I said I'd be expecting a call within half an hour, or I'd be calling Patrick again to see what was going on. 

Meanwhile, I called Appliance Smart and got on the phone with some sales guy. I told him I had an issue with my delivery, and he told me that was unfortunate, because the delivery department was closed that day. Although he thought the case was closed, I went on to explain what had happened, and asked if there was anything he or someone else at the store could do. He said no, and then launched into a lengthy description of why the delivery schedule is made the way it is, and why there are no exceptions even when the delivery people show up at the wrong time, and basically he was hinting very strongly that the whole thing was our fault. 

So I suggested that we might simply have to cancel the order and stop payment on the credit card, to which he responded, "Well, that's too bad." I asked him if he'd rather lose a sale than make even the tiniest effort to even act a little bit sympathetic. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but rules are rules and you can reschedule your delivery and this is just our policy and it isn't my fault that that's how it is..." And on and on. So I kind of lost it (in the way I lose it, which is mainly by getting flushed and adopting a bitchy tone), accusing him of terrible customer service, telling him that his reaction to the situation had caused me to become "hell-bent on ruining the reputation of Appliance Smart" which I was going to accomplish by sending out messages to my "500 friends on Facebook" (that last part was a lie--I only have about 52 friends on Facebook). 

In other words, I pulled a hysterical female act. I rarely use this approach (I generally think it's detestable), and when I have, it has usually failed to achieve the desired results. But not this time! After unleashing my rage on several by-the-book phone-answering men, the delivery guys showed up within half an hour. I felt a little bad about my behavior on the phone, but not as bad as I would've felt if I'd had to wait another week for the oven!!!!!!! Don't knock it till you try it: rampant selfishness.